conversations with clothes

The other night, I was digging in my closet for something I'd lost, when I heard a somewhat forced sounding cough coming from somewhere in the back. It was my sweater dress.

"Ahem," said the sweater dress.

"Can I do something for you?" I asked, trying to sound casual.

"I was just hoping for a status update," said the sweater dress.

"A status update? I updated my status this morning," I said.

"I'm not talking about facebook," said the sweater dress.

"Well, what then?" I said.

"I was told we were going to Korea. I was wondering about the departure date," said the sweater dress.

"Oh, are you in some sort of time-contraint? I didn't know that sweater dresses had time-contraints," I said.

"I don't. I'm actually rather timeless, despite what some might say... why are you smirking?" said the sweater dress.

"No reason," I said.

"Alright, well, I'd just like to know how long you want me to wait. Some of the clothes in here say they were purchased in August and they've yet to see the inside of a suitcase," said the sweater dress.

"Do you guys talk about me when I'm not here?" I asked.

"Not exactly, but still, we'd like to know. We were told we were going to teach English," said the sweater dress.

"I think I'm the one who will be doing the teaching," I said.

"You know what I mean," said the sweater dress.

"Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you, but it might take some time," I said.

"I'm afraid I don't quite get your meaning," said the sweater dress. "I mean, I understand that there have been hiccups in the plan, but I believe you had two hopeful interviews last week, and a job offer with a rural school, what happened?" she asked, rather condescendingly.

"Sweater dress, did you really WANT to live in rural Korea?" I said.

"Not exactly. Did you?" asked the sweater dress.

"I don't think I would have minded. I think the idea of being near a tea plantation is rather romantic," I said.

"So what was the problem?" asked the sweater dress.

"The job felt rather rushed and a little desperate and I've been told that desperate isn't a good colour on anyone," I said.

"I wouldn't know anything about that," said the sweater dress.

"I'm sure you wouldn't," I said. "Anyways, I would not have had the time to tie up loose ends around here. It would have meant a total rush to take that job. And, I was thinking of you, sweater dress. I was afraid you would have felt out of place in a rural, nameless village in Korea," I said.

"Well, that's very kind of you. But I'd still really like to go to Asia and I'd really like to be worn," said the sweater dress.

"Well, so would I," I said.

"You'd like to be worn?" she asked.

"You know what I mean," I said.

"I think I do" she said. "But what are you going to do now? When are you going to wear me?" asked the sweater dress.

"I could wear you to metropolitan market while I make coffee," I offered.

"No, thank you," said the sweater dress.

"Well. I'll be teaching eventually. I'm going to apply to JET, you remember Japan, don't you? That was the original plan, anyways, and the application process begins in October. It seems silly to rule out JET when I never applied to it the first place and October is right around the corner and..."

"What a perfect month. So blustery, so windy, perfect for..."

"You're interrupting me," I said. "Anyhow, if I don't get an interview with JET, I'll apply to be in Korea in February, that's the main hiring season for Korean schools anyways and there's likely to be more options available and it should be less stressful. Who knows, we might even get to PICK our city, wouldn't that be nice, sweater dress? Wouldn't you like to go somewhere metropolitan and sophisticated?" I asked.

"I'd like to go to Sapporo," said the sweater dress.

"That isn't in Korea," I said.

"Do you expect me to know geography now?" asked the sweater dress.

"I suppose not," I said. "Anyways, while we're at it, I'd really like to take the trans-siberian," I said.

"Now that would be nice," said the sweater dress. "And wouldn't it be lovely if you wore me in Red Square and we walked right up to Saint Basil's?" sighed the sweater dress.

"I thought you didn't know geography," I said.

"Did you forget about putting the Russian literature box in the closet right under me?" asked the sweater dress.

"I suppose I did," I said. "Anyhow, Moscow would be lovely, and don't think I don't plan on it," I said.

"But what about the meantime? Am I just going to NOT be worn all winter? I've noticed you favour the threadless shirts. God only knows why," said the sweater dress.

"Meantime. Such an interesting word," I said.

"Stop being philosophical," said the sweater dress.

"I'm going to study for and take the GRE in the meantime, sweater dress," I said. "I could wear you while I sit in the Snohmish Starbucks and study for it. How do you like the sound of that?" I asked.

"Well, it does sound quite nearly high-brow. Will S.K be there?" asked the sweater dress.

"I rather think she might," I said.

"Then I'm in," said the sweater dress.

"Thank goodness," I said.

"But seriously, other than that, are you just going to leave me hanging?" said the sweater dress.

"Sweater dress, that was a little low," I said.

"I know," said the sweater dress.

"Besides," I said. "I wouldn't want to make promises I don't intend on keeping, that would be like pulling the wool over your eyes," I said.

And then I turned off the light, and closed the door.